Making the decision to live meant realizing that I could not be a pillar of support for others while my own health was failing. In the quiet, restorative air of France, I understood that choosing myself was the only way forward. This choice is more than just survival. It is a profound internal architecture for a soul that has decided to reorganize its priorities during its hardest battle. Understanding the weight of the decision to live helps me process why it is essential to change a life that no longer serves your spirit. As a highly sensitive person, I transformed the tectonic pressure of illness into a stable, Malachite peace. Within these life-altering intervals, the spirit finally finds its authentic rhythm. We move from the exhaustion of sacrifice to the clarity of self-preservation. By choosing life, we reclaim our radiant, enduring strength.
Odluka da se živi
✦
Kada sam bila operisana i prošla radioterapiju u bolnici u Vancouveru, pitali su me želim li biti podrška drugim ženama koje prolaze isto. Tada nisam mogla. Vjerovala sam da sam izliječena, ali sam željela da se udaljim od te teme. Da zatvorim vrata iza riječi rak. Da vjerujem da je odstranjen. Da sam sada dobro.
Iako sam znala da u mom tijelu tada nije bilo kancerogenih stanica, nisam mogla davati nadu drugima. Prva dijagnoza došla je bez znakova, bez simptoma, bez upozorenja. Kako onda obećati sigurnost nečega za šta nisam znala da li je zaista zauvijek otišlo?
Danas je drugačije. Vrijeme je prošlo. Uradila sam sve što je trebalo. Najvažnije je bilo izaći iz starog filma — kroz opuštanje, kroz vjeru u zdravlje, kroz povratak sebi. Strah ipak ostaje. Pomisao da bi se moglo ponoviti učini da cijelo tijelo zadrhti i da poželi pobjeći. I to je istina o kojoj se rijetko govori.
Ono što mogu reći sebi i drugim ženama je jednostavno:
borite se za život.
Ako život prije bolesti nije bio dobar —
promijenite ga u bolesti.
I nikada ne odustajte.
borite se za život.
Ako život prije bolesti nije bio dobar —
promijenite ga u bolesti.
I nikada ne odustajte.
La décision de vivre
✦
Quand j’ai été opérée et que j’ai subi une radiothérapie à l’hôpital de Vancouver, on m’a demandé si je voulais soutenir d’autres femmes traversant la même épreuve. À l’époque, je ne pouvais pas. Je croyais être guérie, mais je voulais m’éloigner de ce sujet. Fermer la porte derrière le mot cancer. Croire qu’il avait été éliminé. Que j’allais bien maintenant.
Même si je savais qu’il n’y avait plus de cellules cancéreuses dans mon corps à ce moment-là, je ne pouvais pas donner d’espoir aux autres. Le premier diagnostic est arrivé sans signes, sans symptômes, sans avertissement. Comment alors promettre la sécurité de quelque chose dont je ne savais pas si c’était vraiment parti pour toujours ?
Aujourd’hui, c’est différent. Le temps a passé. J’ai fait tout ce qu’il fallait. Le plus important était de sortir du vieux film — par la relaxation, par la foi en la santé, par le retour à soi. La peur reste pourtant. La pensée que cela pourrait se reproduire fait trembler tout le corps et donne envie de fuir. Et c’est une vérité dont on parle rarement.
Ce que je peux dire à moi-même et aux autres femmes est simple :
battez-vous pour la vie.
Si la vie avant la maladie n’était pas bonne —
changez-la pendant la maladie.
Et n’abandonnez jamais.
battez-vous pour la vie.
Si la vie avant la maladie n’était pas bonne —
changez-la pendant la maladie.
Et n’abandonnez jamais.
The Decision to Live
✦
When I had surgery and underwent radiotherapy at the hospital in Vancouver, they asked me if I wanted to support other women going through the same thing. I couldn’t then. I believed I was cured, but I wanted to distance myself from that topic. To close the door behind the word cancer. To believe it was removed. That I was fine now.
Although I knew there were no cancer cells in my body at that time, I couldn’t give hope to others. The first diagnosis came without signs, without symptoms, without warning. How then to promise the safety of something I didn’t know was truly gone forever?
Today is different. Time has passed. I did everything that was needed. The most important thing was to get out of the old movie — through relaxation, through faith in health, through returning to myself. Fear still remains. The thought that it could happen again makes the whole body tremble and want to run away. And that is a truth rarely spoken about.
What I can say to myself and other women is simple:
fight for life.
If life before the illness wasn’t good —
change it during the illness.
And never give up.
fight for life.
If life before the illness wasn’t good —
change it during the illness.
And never give up.